Tonight it is 86 and humid at 9:00 p.m. It is too hot to go out for a trot around the neighborhood. Not that I need an excuse to avoid running. I’ve been able to do that pretty well on my own. Literally my legs are still not where I want them to be. I’ve been staying active though. I have continued to walk, do yoga, and swim. Swimming is my salvation. It is the one thing I can do for cardio that I actually feel better once I get done with. I usually swim a half-mile to a mile depending on time constraints and how good of a work out I’m getting.
Saturday, I went to the Y and got in my lane and started. It was a battle from the beginning. A while back I hit the water and felt like a dolphin. This time, I felt like a Water Buffalo. My breathing was out of sync. I had a pinched nerve in my shoulder blades that I hoped would work itself out. My stroke was just plain ugly. Even for me.
I muddled through my half mile and took a breather… “That sucked!” I thought to myself. So I continued. I determined if my body was not going to co-operate, I would just keep going to a mile and exert my “au-thor-a-teeeeeee” over it.
I finish my mile. My body is still rebelling. I have also developed a sore spot near my right clavical where the hairs on my chinny chin chin rubbed while turning my head to breathe.
There are times in life when one is just not happy. I was honestly pretty pissed with my body. Here I am finally trying to be good to it and it was fighting me at every step like a hoarder on “Buried Alive” refusing to part with a five year old pizza box. I am determined that I am not going to let it win…I have no time constraints today…I’m going to keep swimming until I feel good. I make one concession to my body and listen to my bladder who sounded exactly like Forrest Gump pleading with me…”I gotta peeeeeeee…..” I head to the locker room and take care of business and head back out. I realize it at first but the Dad’s and kids in the locker room are steering well clear of me. I catch a glance of myself in the mirror. Other than a green hue, I look like the Incredible Hulk. I am a large man, with an upper body fully pumped from swimming, and brooding as I move through the helpless masses that cower as I approach. I realize how pissed I am at myself. I hold the door open for a Dad and two boys out to the pool in an attempt to re-image myself to my normal affable self. The lane is still waiting for me. Getting back in the water I realize how much heat my internal furnace is throwing off. I push off. I start thinking about my yoga classes and how we stretch and breathe through pain. I force myself to reach a bit farther. A few laps in, I feel my body give in. I start hitting a groove. I push through a third half mile. I finally feel like I am in charge of myself again. I can change gears up and down at will. I tear off a couple laps and then slow my pace back up. The endorphins must be kicking in because all my aches and pains are gone and I am no longer fighting myself.
This gives me time to think as I swim.
The middle of August is a few short weeks away. Soon, and old feeling will be rising in my body. It is the beginning of football and rugby seasons. For almost 20 years that meant pawing at the ground with cleats on, charging across the fields, and throwing my body around with reckless abandon. Maybe that’s why my body hates me. It’s resentment built up over years of abuse.
I’ve been somewhat disappointed with the results of my efforts so far. I’ve lost about 5 pounds and my wife has pointed out my shoulders and chest are coming back. Don't get me wrong...I'm glad my wife is noticing these things...still, I was hoping for more. I was hoping to be running better and dropping more weight. My body and mind are not getting along.
I decide that my problem is I need to redouble my efforts. Sure I’m working out…but I need to do more. I’ve been watching what I eat…but I can do better.
So I believe I need to approach my whole diet/workout routine like I did my swim. I just need to bear down and press on until my body gives in and accepts the new lifestyle I am working to adopt.
This isn’t going to be pretty.
There’s a wall in front of me. I can’t go over it. I can’t go around it.
Gonna have to go through it.
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